Realization...

Have you ever experienced a depressing, but true realization about yourself? I did this past week. It's sad really. I will say though, that now that I know about it I am going to endeavor to change it.... and here's how I'm going to start. I'm going to tell you all what my realization was....

I start things all the time and NEVER finish. That's right. This blog is a good example. So scattered, didn't stick with it the way I should have.

I started crocheting. I crocheted two scarves that look almost identical then half of something else...

I started knitting. I have knit almost an entire sweater, but lost steam on the last sleeve.

I started cleaning out the closet, the spare room, the bookshelves, the kitchen.... and got a chunk done of it all.

I've started books that I've never bothered to finish - some of that's on principle - they were not good books, but some just got put down.

I started reviewing books and only made it through two and one-third books.

I started running.... then I started walking.

I started a master's program two years ago.... and I'm still at the beginning (this is probably my most embarrassing unfinished).

Seriously, this could go on forever. It seems like I want to try everything - this week I'm going to sew my first article of clothing... or at least START to... I had my first sewing lesson yesterday.

Now, I'm not saying that I need to be doing all of these things, but there are definitely some things that I should be following through on... and this is my first step to finishing them. Most of these are hobbies or little things (minimal eternal consequence), but some are not. They are things that can effect my day-to-day living, my marriage, my self-esteem even.

So my next thing to start is to start finishing things.... and this one is the only one that I'm going to attempt to stick with...

How you may ask... By taking time to consider if what I'm starting is worth finishing. If the answer is no, then I will move on. If it's yes, then I will strive to finish it - no matter how long it takes. I'm going to start considering if I enjoy what I start or if it's out of guilt that I feel I need to finish.

This is going to be an interesting summer!

So many changes...

Life over the last few months has flown by. I am no longer employed. I have been working on the house, traveling, and spending time with family. A few hobbies that I've taken up include: knitting, more reading, soon to be sewing. I am not consistent or good at all/any of these yet, but they are keeping me more than busy.
So really, this is not a deep, intense or long post. This is really a "breaking in" to help me remember what it's like to post... So here's to me starting to keep up with the changes... and adding blogging to my new hobby list.
Good to be back, friends.

Just ASK!

I've never been a big asker - for help, for information, for anything really. I do ask questions in conversations, socially in getting to know people, but that's it really. Over the past few weeks, I have been learning about asking.

It all started with Exodus and the Israelites leaving Egypt. I never noticed before that in Exodus before Moses left for Egypt (Ex. 3:22), he was instructed about a time he was going to have to ask. Again as the Israelites were preparing for the last plague (Ex. 11:2) Moses instructed the Israelites to ask. Finally the results of asking (Ex. 12:35-36) were seen as they were leaving Egypt.

So, if you didn't go look up the passages it's the verse where God instructs the Israelites to request/ask from the Egyptians (neighbors and those above them) for articles of silver and articles of gold and clothing. The result, v. 36, "and the LORD had given the people favor in the sight of the Egyptians, so that they let them have their request. Thus they plundered the Egyptians.

Did you catch that? Just by asking!

Moses asked/prayed to see God's glory (Ex. 33:18).
Abraham asked for Sodom and Gomorrah to be spared if 50, then 45, 40, 30, 20, finally 10 righteous men within the city (Gen. 18:23-32).
Hezekiah beseeched for years to be added to his life (2 Kings 20:1-7).

And the list can go on and on. I love these examples because they are seemingly impossible things that we would never think to ask. Yet bold men asked and God answered in a big way. I love that all the Israelites had to do to plunder Egypt was ask.

So I have been learning about prayer and asking. Learning to go before God with requests and desires. I've also been learning to ask family and friends. God has been faithful to open my eyes to his answers, and he has been so faithful in teaching me and showing me his character and love.

On a side note, I would say that these were all asked and answered to God's glory. I do not consider myself a believer in the prosperity gospel (that God wants us to have all we want/need because we just do, and the world tells us we need it - this is not a biblical truth). I believe God gives us what we need to do the work he's called us to, not to live a cozy, comfy life.

In closing, two of my favorite quotes

Andrew Murrary on prayer

"God knows far better than we what we need. But as we get a deeper insight into what prayer really is, this truth will help much to strengthen our faith. It will teach us that we do not need, as the unbelieving, with the multitude and urgency of words, to compel an unwilling God to listen to us.... It will, when once we have been led by the Spirit to the certainty that our request is indeed something that, according to the Word, we do need for God's glory, giving us wonderful confidence to say, My Father knows I need it and must have it."

"Christ has opened the school of prayer specially to train intercessors for the great work of bringing down, by their faith and prayer, the blessing of His work and love on the world around. There can be no deep growth in prayer unless this be made our aim. The little child may ask of the father only what it needs for itself; and yet it soon learns to say, give some for sister too. But the grownup son, who only lives for the father's interest and takes charge of the father's business, ask more largely, and gets all that is asked."

Happy Anniversary!

My wonderful husband and I celebrated our one-year anniversary December 27th. He continues to surprise me with unexpected romance. Granted, he knows I'm too much of a planner to be completely "surprised," but I'm learning to let go. He let me help plan, but really it was all his idea.

We spent the night in downtown Austin at the Stephen F. Austin. I would TOTALLY recommend it for a lovely, romatic evening out. We had dinner at Eddie V's. Um... YUM! We split their salad (with crab and shrimp), a filet mignon with crab rice and mac and cheese. To top it off we split their melting Godiva chocolate cake.

This past year went by so fast. I think we're both looking forward to this year and those following. God has been opening our hearts to new things - from Sarah moving in while Aaron is away to hopes for children to convictions about what we need to be doing with our lives - the time, energy and money God has entrusted to us.

You're so Bed, Bath and Beyond

So this it's been a while since I've posted. The last month has been busy with the holidays and household changes. So the title to this blog came from an interesting encounter I had this past month. Here's the story:

On the day before Christmas Eve, it was about 70F degrees outside. My husband got off work early so I met him and a couple of friends for a drink at a wonderful little neighborhood bar by his office called Nomads. I had been running around Christmas shopping, so I thought it'd be nice to unwind, enjoy friends and of course, the wonderful winter weather.

There was another couple at the bar; the woman had obviously had one too many and was there for one (or three) more. She quickly made friends with all of us. Almost immediately I loved her.

I don't know if it was the straightforward, honest inquiry of who we were and why we were there or if it was the clear pain and insecurity when she spoke of her job, family and the upcoming holiday celebrations. She had a slightly veiled insult for everyone at the table, with a hint of buried envy beneath every one.

You may have guessed by now that my insult is the subject line. Everyone at the table, including her boyfriend, was worried that I would be offended by this (she waited till I was away from the table before sharing mine). So I heard it the second time around. Maybe I'm missing something, but I heard more the desire to be clean, nice and organized than an insult.

I don't consider myself Bed, Bath and Beyond.... yet.

So JenniLee, thank you. It was a pleasure to meet you. I'm praying for you. May 2010 be a year full of blessing, love, restoration and Bed, Bath and Beyond.

No More Lukewarm

The past few weeks have been a period of revelation for me. I once heard a man say that a true friend would bruise a friend in order that his friend won't bleed later. The idea is that by being honest and up front from the beginning may hurt, but not nearly as much as not speaking up.

I realized that I don't bruise people because I'm scared of hurting them. In the past, I have excused this as being a good friend. I recently had the revelation that this mentality is the definition of selfishness, this is my lukewarm-ness.

It's not easy, and it's definitely not fun. However, I compare this discomfort to knowing I could have and should have said or done something from the beginning... That God has asked me to "be Christ" to that person/friend, and I've said that I'd rather be myself. I don't want to be that friend anymore.

There are times I've felt like I'm pretending to be who someone else wants or needs me to be - when all I really need to be is Christ for them... even if it offends. It can all be done in love, with love.

OK, so really this is all about learning to be bold, learning to offend, learning to love, learning that it's not about this world and it's not about me. The Bible clearly states that if we're living this life the way we're supposed to the majority of people will not like us... but there will be those few who are drawn in....

More to come...

The Sacred Meal

I was disappointed and would not purchase or recommend this book. "The Sacred Meal" by Nora Gallagher is part of a series on ancient practices.

In the book, Gallagher addresses the practice/tradition of communion. She goes over what she thinks it represents, her experiences giving and taking communion, and she shares her opinions on what impact is has in life and why it is considered an ancient practice.

My disappointment in the book stems from the fact that it's a book of reflection and opinion. I was anticipating more study and depth. Gallagher would begin a point with a story from the Bible, but her end conclusion would be opinion and not actually found in Scripture.

Finally, throughout the book there are comments that were completely lost on me. For instance, at a point she was talking about how communion is a connection between God and man. She concluded with the hope of not becoming one with God in such a way as to lose her own sense of self and boundaries, but instead to become in God more like herself (p93). For me, this goes against what we are called to do as believers - less of ourselves and more of him is what we strive for. She strives to make a sacred practice common.