This Past Sunday

This past Sunday, I was in church with my family. The message was on - well I can't say 100%. I know we talked about fasting. I know we talked about being lukewarm. We talked about light and dark - and how you can't be both. How you can't even really be in the middle - or you can try to be in the middle, but that by not choosing a side it makes things worse.
Somewhere in the middle of all this - I got probably the clearest picture of Jesus I've ever had and it made me want to know him. To have all my worldly images of his buried - and to only see, only know who he really is.
It feels weird typing this out, because it's probably the most personal thing I've ever blogged about. I was grasping at this image, this man, this truth - and I didn't/don't ever want to lose hold.
I'm not sure what's going on. Again, I just feel like I'm headed down a path and I will have - am being given the choice of pursuing this with all that it brings or living a life of complacency and mediocrity. What would that/this mean for me, my husband, our children, my family, my friends.
I do not want to be in the dark. But for some reason I am living in the non-existent middle - the most hated of all places. I'm done with it.
OK. So this is all my post is about. I don't even really know if it makes sense to others, but I wanted it in writing... like somehow that makes it official.