No More Lukewarm

The past few weeks have been a period of revelation for me. I once heard a man say that a true friend would bruise a friend in order that his friend won't bleed later. The idea is that by being honest and up front from the beginning may hurt, but not nearly as much as not speaking up.

I realized that I don't bruise people because I'm scared of hurting them. In the past, I have excused this as being a good friend. I recently had the revelation that this mentality is the definition of selfishness, this is my lukewarm-ness.

It's not easy, and it's definitely not fun. However, I compare this discomfort to knowing I could have and should have said or done something from the beginning... That God has asked me to "be Christ" to that person/friend, and I've said that I'd rather be myself. I don't want to be that friend anymore.

There are times I've felt like I'm pretending to be who someone else wants or needs me to be - when all I really need to be is Christ for them... even if it offends. It can all be done in love, with love.

OK, so really this is all about learning to be bold, learning to offend, learning to love, learning that it's not about this world and it's not about me. The Bible clearly states that if we're living this life the way we're supposed to the majority of people will not like us... but there will be those few who are drawn in....

More to come...

The Sacred Meal

I was disappointed and would not purchase or recommend this book. "The Sacred Meal" by Nora Gallagher is part of a series on ancient practices.

In the book, Gallagher addresses the practice/tradition of communion. She goes over what she thinks it represents, her experiences giving and taking communion, and she shares her opinions on what impact is has in life and why it is considered an ancient practice.

My disappointment in the book stems from the fact that it's a book of reflection and opinion. I was anticipating more study and depth. Gallagher would begin a point with a story from the Bible, but her end conclusion would be opinion and not actually found in Scripture.

Finally, throughout the book there are comments that were completely lost on me. For instance, at a point she was talking about how communion is a connection between God and man. She concluded with the hope of not becoming one with God in such a way as to lose her own sense of self and boundaries, but instead to become in God more like herself (p93). For me, this goes against what we are called to do as believers - less of ourselves and more of him is what we strive for. She strives to make a sacred practice common.

Being Good for Nothing

So I'm reading this book by Mark Buchanan called "Hidden in Plain Sight." I wanted to share two portions of it that got me thinking.

1st. Buchanan encourages believers to "Find a person, or three, who resemble Jesus more than you do. School yourself on them.... He's talking about people who, in season and out, in harvest and famine, id daylight and darkenss, do good because they are good. Only one thing explains such people: they're Go-watchers. They've seen his glory. Become like them."

Over last few years, I've found that I want to be like other people - and that's not even the best or true way to say it. I want to be like Jesus in other people. I feel blessed by how many people surround me that show me Jesus, show me love, kindness, mercy, truth. Really the number is few (less than the number of fingers I have), but I wonder sometimes if that isn't so many more than others get to experience.

People have asked how this first year of marriage has gone and how it's wrapping up - and I can say in summary it's because of Jesus in me.us and surrounding me/us in others that it's been wonderful. I feel like I am a totally new person - stretched to love, give, work, serve, and share beyond myself.

2nd. Buchanan is addressing people who are "good" in their own strength - who use good works to try to hide who they really are.

"We are sheep in sheep dog's clothing, concealing our docility and waywardness beneath a disguise of master-pleasing eagerness. We look better than we are. Over-performance becomes a subterfuge, a showcase of energy that hides a mother lode of apathy. A display of virtue that is just that, a display. But at some point we run out of steam for this. If we're deep down lazy, or greedy, or mean, or just bored, sooner or later that breaks through the skin. It's exhausting to keep building the edifice of good behavior on the foundation of sticks."

Buchanan uses Peter as the example. That Peter followed Christ and was so ready to work and do good things. He always jumped to do something, including promising to always stand by Jesus, even when Jesus told him of the denial to come. When the denial came:

"[Peter] was deadlocked. He'd reached the outer limits of his bravado. He was despondent over the distance between the man he wanted to be and the man he actually was. He felt unworthy and disqualified. Good for nothing. Which is often the place, maybe the only place, we learn to be truly good for nothing: good, not just when the eye of man is on us, not because we seek the applause of the crowd, not to reap any earthly reward, but only because the God who is good called us out of darkness and into his wonderful light."

I love this section. Probably because I feel like this was me. I love that our God knew I'd/we'd screw up, and yet made a way for us to heal and be good - better even - real. I love that God put men like this in pivotal roles ministry, knowing that this is what people are really like inside, and only God can fix it. Only a real experience with God can change our hearts and make us good for nothing.

The Noticer by Andy Andrews

This book is a fictional account of the journey of one man from homeless to success. It recounts the author's encounter with a mentor, Jones, who is able to provide a different perspective on life and circumstances that can consume, confuse and sometimes even control a person's life. The book covers, essentially, a town's response to Jones' different perspective and a call for change. It also shows the outcome of what real relationship can bring.

It is an easy read, though not a book I would recommend. The writing seems sometimes forced, but not bad at all. It offers logic as a base for change, and encourages readers to be who others want them to be in order to be successful. I enjoyed reading the encounters and hearing of Jones' perspective. However, I rarely agreed fully with Jones' "wisdom." I do not believe that it fully aligned with biblical truth and principles. It is dangerous to read partial truths.

This Past Sunday

This past Sunday, I was in church with my family. The message was on - well I can't say 100%. I know we talked about fasting. I know we talked about being lukewarm. We talked about light and dark - and how you can't be both. How you can't even really be in the middle - or you can try to be in the middle, but that by not choosing a side it makes things worse.
Somewhere in the middle of all this - I got probably the clearest picture of Jesus I've ever had and it made me want to know him. To have all my worldly images of his buried - and to only see, only know who he really is.
It feels weird typing this out, because it's probably the most personal thing I've ever blogged about. I was grasping at this image, this man, this truth - and I didn't/don't ever want to lose hold.
I'm not sure what's going on. Again, I just feel like I'm headed down a path and I will have - am being given the choice of pursuing this with all that it brings or living a life of complacency and mediocrity. What would that/this mean for me, my husband, our children, my family, my friends.
I do not want to be in the dark. But for some reason I am living in the non-existent middle - the most hated of all places. I'm done with it.
OK. So this is all my post is about. I don't even really know if it makes sense to others, but I wanted it in writing... like somehow that makes it official.

Randomness

So I just ran two miles... well "just" being maybe 3 hours ago. I'm sore already, not to mention tired. I don't think I've ran that far since before the wedding in December.
I'm on a 16wk training schedule for a 5k. I'm ready for some discipline - it's got to start somewhere... This weighs far more on the possible side, than the impossible. I'll keep you posted (posting alone will be a sign of new discipline!).
Also - I want to add that my most recent house project is almost done... I redid the flooring in our guest bathroom and painted - the walls, not the floor. Fun times!
The completion of the bathroom means I'm almost half way done with the house. It's hard work, but fun - and if you're willing to work at it a lot less expensive than you'd think. Just don't ask my husband!
He's in charge of the yard - which now has two lovely trees growing in it - one in the back and one in the front - thanks to my parents. We also have a newly repaired fence - thanks to Jerry, and our grass is growing - thanks to the rain God has been sending our way. Next he's planning on some tree and flower beds next.
Come visit us... I'm even learning to cook!

What a week it's been for me

This week's lesson/challenge comes from Stephanie's blog. www.stephaniecherry.blogspot.com. In summary, she asked us to consider how we love, how we serve. Do we make a difference and would our absence be noticed or felt. By "our" I mean the church, and by the church I include myself. She talks about us only serving each other and being in our comfort zone. This is not how she says it, but this is how she spoke to me. This is me.... Her ending note was about what we get from the Word of God, the Holy Spirit and church messages - do we walk away feeling that it was a "great message" or do we walk away and do something about it.

This compounded a challenge from a different source to evaluate my relationship with Christ. Is my motive to sit at the table so that I can be blessed by him, to come to him and get all that I can - whether it be peace, joy, glory, riches (not just financial), heaven, salvation? Do I come just to get? Or do I come to be in relationship and in turn receive. I know it's a fine line in some cases, on some days... but this hurt. I remember a day where I came just for the relationship, and I always relished the fruit of that relationship. I cannot say the same for the last few months. I don't know when or how things changed - neglect is the only word I would have for it.

I'm going to end with thankfulness that I have been given the ability to hear and receive this challenge - and that there is something to be done about it. I don't want to live the "comfortable" life. I don't want to be anxious or worry over anything. I want to be in relationship and bring glory to God - that I may love him more than myself, more than my husband, more than family or friends. That I may be a reflection of him - and not just my idea of him. That I would speak truth even when it offends and will not be received. That I will not minimize or neglect my relationship with God or those he has put in my life. That this life would not be about "this life," but about Life.

OK. I just thought I'd share. It's a new day, with new opportunities. I am blessed.